Monday, October 27, 2014


I'm going to count myself lucky today, because it turns out I haven't wasted a whole ton of money on shitty products.  I went through my collection looking for things I wish I hadn't bought, and I really couldn't find much.  In fact, most of the things I don't use are things I can't use, for whatever reason.  Which is pretty good, I think.

One of those things is this travel-sized retractable kabuki brush from Sephora.

I bought this when I was still getting back into the swing of things and thought I was being so clever saving myself the cost of a $70 bronzer brush by buying this for only $22 instead.  (Which, now that I think of it, is probably more than it's worth even had I liked it).  But it's really not the brush's fault I can't use it.  See, I have this thing called haptodysphoria.  Certain textiles just give me the willies.  For example, I absolutely cannot abide fleece.  Velvet?  No thanks.  Felt?  Kill me now.  Rubbing this brush on my face?  Pure.  Fucking.  Torture.

The problem isn't even actually the brush.  The brush itself seems totally normal.  Until I brush it on my face, and it starts building up static and THAT is what sets me off about this brush.  The fact that I bought it to apply bronzer around my hairline just made it worse - rubbing the brush against my hair like that just made the static absolutely unbearable.  I don't particularly enjoy any brush on my face, if I'm to be perfectly honest, but none of my other brushes have this added problem and are thus infinitely more tolerable.

My experiences with this brush have actually conditioned me Pavlovian-style to be afraid of it.  I didn't even realize it until writing this post, but I keep this brush in a different place away from all my other makeup, somewhere I will never even have to look at it.  I'm cringing just thinking of it now, lurking nefariously in its lonely corner of the bathroom cabinet.  I should probably just give it away to someone non-haptodysphoric who might actually like it.

While browsing in that bathroom cabinet I also found this:

Stila Magnificent Metals Foil Finish Eye Shadow in "Vintage Black Gold"

I want to make something clear here: I actually love this shadow.  I think it's really pretty, and the metallic finish is unmatched by anything else I currently own.  That said, I have only used it twice and never will again.  Because this shadow is a literal pain to use.

What I mean is, it hurts.  I wouldn't consider myself someone who has particularly sensitive skin, but both times I used this shadow my eyelids STUNG.  The first time I thought it was just a fluke, but then it happened again the next time I used it.  I'm still occasionally tempted to use it, but I refuse to allow myself to go through with it because I know it's not a good idea. 

This is particularly unfortunate considering the outrageous cost of this shadow.  ($42!)  Even with the small discount I used when I bought it, I'm kind of pissed about this one.

Next up is Too Faced's Lash Injection mascara.

Too Faced "Lash Injection" mascara

This is the worst fucking mascara I have ever used in my life.  I am not exaggerating even a little.  I loathe this product.  And even though I only paid $6 for it I regret every penny.

This mascara is sticky.  Actually sticky, like glue or something.  When I use it, my eyelashes stick together into these weird points, which I need to use a safety pin or tweezers to separate (PS: don't do this - it's totally dangerous).  And the top lashes stick to the bottom lashes, so I have to separate those too and then keep my eye really wide long enough for it to dry so they won't just stick together again next time I blink.  Which they totally do anyway because this mascara is the worst.

As if that weren't enough, it's also this weird plastic rubber type substance, so that when I separate my lashes or pull off a clump, it stretches I swear to God like mozzarella on a cartoon pizza.

This is not something that has happened just once.  This is a normal property of this mascara.  Look, I bet I can get a photo of it:

Like this, but on my EYES

How fucking gross is that?

Probably for the same reason, this mascara comes off in pills when I wash my face.  Little rubber balls of mascara.  I think the rubberiness is meant to coat the lashes like an outer shell or something, to give the appearance of extra thickness.  (A quick look at Sephora's website confirms that it is indeed supposed to "build lush tubes" around each lash).  So I guess these issues might not bother me as much if at least this mascara looked awesome on my lashes.  But it can't even do that.

This photo is the best I could get of this mascara, I swear I tried.

So boring.  So not worth it.

The lipstick in this photo is Kat Von D's Everlasting Love Liquid Lipstick in "Vampira", by the way.  I initially thought it would end up on this list of regrets because I bought like 30 lipsticks last month (why?!) and a few of them were mildly similar.  On the same day I bought this and MUFE's Rouge Artist Intense #48, which is basically the same colour except glossier, and with a slightly more purple lean (this one leans a touch more brown).  I get so many compliments on the MUFE one every time I wear it that I never wore this one and forgot what it looked like.  I thought maybe I should return it, but that I'd be fair and give it one more shot before doing so.

Kat Von D "Vampira"

Yeah, I am never returning this shit ever.

(And yes, I am sticking my tongue between my teeth in that photo.  It's a habit I've always had - I have an overbite - and usually I remind myself not to do it but clearly I forgot here and didn't notice until it was too late.)

So those are my few regrets (and one almost-but-not-even-a-little-bit-a-regret).  In total less than $70 over the year.  I try to be pretty careful about what I purchase, so it's nice to know I haven't wasted a bunch of money on bad buys.  Kudos, me.

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